Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
