She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
