i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
