That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And then my night got REAL pukey
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
