dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
