Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
