This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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