Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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