I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
