hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
