I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
