I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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