he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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