I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
