I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
