Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
