i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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