chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
