his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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