i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
