So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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