Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
