she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
