Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
