So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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