We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
