I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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