I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
