Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
