Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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