why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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