Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
