Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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