I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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