We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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