Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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