Where is the hickey?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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