btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
