they need to just BURY HIM!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
did i walk over a car last night?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
