My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
