my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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