Sponge bath it is.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
