finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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