While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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