Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
