He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am available for nakedness
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
