WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
