i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
