So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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