Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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