Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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