On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize