During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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