pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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