I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
