Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
