Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
