I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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