Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
