never play flip cup with pint glasses
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Less talking, more tequila
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
