He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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