During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
