He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if only i could text you this smell
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
