i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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