Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
