we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
