I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
