If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
