Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
