You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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