STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
