So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
