Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
