it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Randomize
