Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
